Pleasure

What is pleasure?

Pleasure is a fundamental aspect of sexual health and wellbeing.

Sexual pleasure is the physical and psychological enjoyment of erotic thoughts, fantasies, sensations and emotions. Pleasure can be experienced on your own or shared with others.

Sexual pleasure is also about sexual agency and freedom from discrimination. It is hard to enjoy an erotic experience without feeling like you are safe, in control of your own body, and free to express yourself authentically.

Embracing queer pleasure can be a radical act of nourishment and self-acceptance.

In a society that objectifies and shames certain bodies and identities, embracing queer pleasure can be a radical act. In the words of writer and activist Adrienne Maree Brown, “feeling good is not frivolous; it’s freedom.”

Understanding your body

“Pleasure mapping” is one way to get to know yourself and what types of experiences and sensations give you pleasure. This process involves exploring different areas of our bodies using different pace, pressure, sensation or temperature, and creating a mental (or even physical) map of what our bodies enjoy.

You can do this solo or with a partner, and you get creative with it! Some people choose to experiment with moisturisers, massage oils, fabrics or sensory sex toys like floggers or vibrators. Exploring can be done around the whole body, not just the specific areas we traditionally associate with sexual activity. Pleasure mapping can also be incorporated into everyday tasks like eating dinner, sitting in the sun or having a shower. It involves simply checking in with each of your senses while doing a task or activity, and practicing savouring the sensations that we enjoy. Not all types of pleasure are solely erotic or sexual; pleasure mapping can help us to understand all the different ways we can feel good in our bodies.

Returning to these exercises again and again will make it easier to tap into experiences of pleasure, sensuality and mindfulness.

We can also experiment with building sexual arousal, and orgasm, if these feel pleasurable in our bodies.

You can do this through trying different kinds of stimulation through touch or toys (which you can learn more about here); practicing ‘edging’ (bringing yourself just to the brink of orgasm, then holding back), and exploring different fantasies through role play, imagination or porn. These experiences can also be done alone, or shared consensually with others.

By developing an understanding of our own bodies, we create a more expansive and fluid understanding of pleasure and sex. Through pleasure mapping, we can learn so much more about what we enjoy sexually. When we know what we like, it can be much easier to ask for what we want during sex. It also sets the stage for us to be better sexual partners, as it encourages us to be curious and open to learning about other people’s pleasure maps. That’s a win-win.